My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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