so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
