i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
