I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
