I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
