you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
