My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
