no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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