I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
