went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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