quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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