dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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