i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
