The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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