If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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