a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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