I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
