we have pet lesbian snakes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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