apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
