I want to stick my p in your. b.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
