If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
