i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
