so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
