A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
