His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
