is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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