my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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