Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
