this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
