Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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