dude i'm inner monologue high
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
