Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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