Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
