What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
