You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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