New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
