I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
