hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
