glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
