It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
