just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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