i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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