Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
