I got chris browned last night
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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