I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
