My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
