I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
