I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
