your parents love me but you hate me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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