Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
