i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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