you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
