Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
