This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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