Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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