I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
