"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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