WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
